Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie