You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies