just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.