i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...