u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Floor bacon is actually really good
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...