part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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