chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
