My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
