the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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