her vagine was all disorganized.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
