Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
