Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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