we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
