I'm really into asian looking animals
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
