I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
