Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
