I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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