careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
