Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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