i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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