is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
