I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
