I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
