So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
