He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
