either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
