it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
