Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
