I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
