in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
