Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
