If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
