Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
