When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
