when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
