I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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