the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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