i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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