I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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