why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen