Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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