She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
