dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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