...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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