I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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