My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
