Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
