thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
