In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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