final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
