Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
