sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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