My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
