At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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