I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just gift wrapped bread.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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