It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
