So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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