four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
