That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
