You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
