He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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