She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize