You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
BRING THE BAGELS
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize