absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
