Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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