where am i from again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Terrible idea I love it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
