Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can text with my tongue
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
