Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
