Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
