I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
