Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
