Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
People in love make me want to vomit
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
