Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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