it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
