What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
