My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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